I just watched "Dance Moms". Yes. It's true. After daily hours in the studio I still watch all the dance shows. In the Dance Mom case I feel like we live all the same issues but without cameras we see less.
Abby through this entire episode made the children pay for their mother's actions. Mothers were trying to protect their kids, defend them, or ask for an opportunity for them. Abby held a grudge about parents actions and is punishing all their children. Stop Abby. Please just judge the children for their own actions. Do not expect a 10 year old to leave the side of her parents, friends, and their parents to go against them and their orders to come to you. It is obvious they wanted to dance but kids have to listen to their parents.
Dance teachers please try to be fair to all children. Don't favor the ones whose moms are kissing your bottom. Don't punish the ones whose moms won't. They have no control over us. You do. Fairness and dedication and kindness to our kids will get you fairness, kindness, and dedication from kids and their moms. Be firm. Have discipline. Be an educator. Be professional. You are their role model so be a good one.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Monday, January 28, 2013
Playing Favorites; the catalyst for dance school drama
It is inevitable that dance teachers have favorites. Even if they say they don't, they do. Keep in mind that the very nature of dance is artistic. Most dance teachers are dancers. They are not formally trained educators. They learn those skills over time I believe with maturity, experience, a a genuine dedication to their students and their best interest.
We have a couple different teachers. One actually taught the other Fir her entire childhood as well as many other successful professional dancers. She is very transparent about having her favorites. She, however, has the maturity (now) to never let it impact decisions in the class. She is fair and the best dancers get the prime spots. If that means a "favorite" is in the back, that's how it is. Kids may recognize there are favorites but don't leave with feelings of unjust and hopelessness. They are still inspired to try to be the best because they will get a fair shot.
The other teacher however is quite the opposite. Favorites are favorites. Favorites will always be in the front. They will always be captains. They will always get attention. There is no fairness. Kids feel hopeless. They feel humiliated. They feel like they will never be good enough when in reality many are better. This teacher has even complained about multiple professional outsiders who rank the children and align them differently. She breaks down their choreography to move the favorites into all lead positions. When confronted by parents she defends her actions as if she is the professional and it is not favoritism. She will then take it out on the children. She believes she is outwitting them and proving her point when in fact she is creating parents battles, kids resentment toward each other, and the parents just give up on a mature, intelligent discussion. It is not possible with the defensiveness.
Now add to it that the second teachers mother is the office manager. She still pays the "mature, professional, studio owners" bills, does her laundry, organizes her calendar, drives her around, and prepares her meals, pays her rent while she continues to pursue a dance career. She will defend her daughter to the end with the same poor logic or add some crazy story about how it is just the way dance works. She then covers her daughter in case anything is reported to the other teacher, by manipulating a story about the awful parents and how they are interfering with class and harassing this teacher.
So, to the point of the post. The dance school has children who start out adoring each other. They are the best of friends. They enjoy seeing each other and being together. Parents generally get along or at least are cordial acquaintances bonded by the amazing friendships of their children and shared challenges of a run in their tights or a ripped costume. They cheer for a group, not just their own. Then the favorites become apparent. The sadness of their children. The protection of the favorites parents to keep them a favorite. The repulsive, bribing and phony acts of the parents who would do ANYTHING to become a favorite. The disgust if the parents who won't stoop to that. The overheard conversations of the favorite parents telling stories about children or other parents. Most stories not true or severely exaggerated.
I strongly believe the studio drama is all initiated by some action of favoritism by the second teacher. The best hope is that experience and maturity will develop the same fairness and honesty about favorites that her mentor has. I just hope it happens before more students leave and have to leave friendships and a big part of their life behind. Which is the worse of the two harms? Moms can't take it but let the kid decide. When they can't take it, you have to leave.
We have a couple different teachers. One actually taught the other Fir her entire childhood as well as many other successful professional dancers. She is very transparent about having her favorites. She, however, has the maturity (now) to never let it impact decisions in the class. She is fair and the best dancers get the prime spots. If that means a "favorite" is in the back, that's how it is. Kids may recognize there are favorites but don't leave with feelings of unjust and hopelessness. They are still inspired to try to be the best because they will get a fair shot.
The other teacher however is quite the opposite. Favorites are favorites. Favorites will always be in the front. They will always be captains. They will always get attention. There is no fairness. Kids feel hopeless. They feel humiliated. They feel like they will never be good enough when in reality many are better. This teacher has even complained about multiple professional outsiders who rank the children and align them differently. She breaks down their choreography to move the favorites into all lead positions. When confronted by parents she defends her actions as if she is the professional and it is not favoritism. She will then take it out on the children. She believes she is outwitting them and proving her point when in fact she is creating parents battles, kids resentment toward each other, and the parents just give up on a mature, intelligent discussion. It is not possible with the defensiveness.
Now add to it that the second teachers mother is the office manager. She still pays the "mature, professional, studio owners" bills, does her laundry, organizes her calendar, drives her around, and prepares her meals, pays her rent while she continues to pursue a dance career. She will defend her daughter to the end with the same poor logic or add some crazy story about how it is just the way dance works. She then covers her daughter in case anything is reported to the other teacher, by manipulating a story about the awful parents and how they are interfering with class and harassing this teacher.
So, to the point of the post. The dance school has children who start out adoring each other. They are the best of friends. They enjoy seeing each other and being together. Parents generally get along or at least are cordial acquaintances bonded by the amazing friendships of their children and shared challenges of a run in their tights or a ripped costume. They cheer for a group, not just their own. Then the favorites become apparent. The sadness of their children. The protection of the favorites parents to keep them a favorite. The repulsive, bribing and phony acts of the parents who would do ANYTHING to become a favorite. The disgust if the parents who won't stoop to that. The overheard conversations of the favorite parents telling stories about children or other parents. Most stories not true or severely exaggerated.
I strongly believe the studio drama is all initiated by some action of favoritism by the second teacher. The best hope is that experience and maturity will develop the same fairness and honesty about favorites that her mentor has. I just hope it happens before more students leave and have to leave friendships and a big part of their life behind. Which is the worse of the two harms? Moms can't take it but let the kid decide. When they can't take it, you have to leave.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Costumes, costumes. Do you sew?
Just say no. I sew poorly and very little but somehow am making several costumes from edgy hip hop to classic ballet to authentic flapper.
I won't lie. If I could design costumes all day and make what I make now, I would jump. It is creative. It is interesting. It is rewarding to get to the end result.
It is also difficult and frustrating. You have artistic differences, kids cooperation and their tastes as well. It can be tough.
So advice... No. You don't sew.
I won't lie. If I could design costumes all day and make what I make now, I would jump. It is creative. It is interesting. It is rewarding to get to the end result.
It is also difficult and frustrating. You have artistic differences, kids cooperation and their tastes as well. It can be tough.
So advice... No. You don't sew.
Too much!
So the 5 numbers seem to be going well. We dropped a vocal group class that seemed to be beyond what my little ones attention could handle. We also dropped an acro class that got too full to seem safe enough for my liking.
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